*sigh*

[lnr]

Now I'm snapping at Richard for wanting to avoid August, and snapping at August for sounding slightly disappointed at me going along with it, and cross with myself more than anything. I don't know WTF I'm supposed to do that won't feel like I'm letting people down, and will actually make me feel happy too. And this is about the 5th thing I've written in the last few days and immediately wanted to delete without posting, but for once I'll resist.

Comments

[sampiano.livejournal.com]

Hey, it sounds to me like you care a little too much about everybody and everything. Which makes you one of the nicest people in the world but very vunerable to hurting yourself. I know exactly how you feel, I'm the same. And if you really want to know, everything you write which you claim you want to delete or is pathetic or anything, I really enjoy reading because it makes me feel like I'm not alone in having such thoughts.

Not sure what I can say that is helpful, other than don't come and live on Long Island :) Try this though; just decide you are going to be happy one day, and be happy no matter what. Don't worry about anything or anybody for a bit, switch your mind off to them. Much easier said than done, but it can be done if you want to.

Or go find a cute baby to play with for a few hours... :)

[lnr]

*blush* You're too kind. I'm really not that nice.

I'm alternately angry at Richard and August for the things each of them have done that have contributed to the state things are in. Angry at anyone who criticises either of them for it though. Angry at myself for hurting either or both of them, and for blaming anyone else for a state obviously I *chose* to be in right?, and for letting it get in the way of friendships at a time when people need friends.

And I'm just tired of being sad and angry. But there isn't an answer. Just keep on hoping and waiting for it to get better, keep on gently pushing people to try and deal with their fears and to try and deal with my own, keep on trying to push the black bits away as much as possible and enjoy the good things.