lnr | Nakedness, and the dangers of procrastination

Nearly 3 years ago Jan and I did a photoshoot together, in varying degrees of nakedness. I had fun and was really pleased with some of the photos. One of them is the icon on this post. Some of you will have seen some or all of the others.

Now in the intervening time I've done one thing extremely well: put on weight. I was at my thinnest for those pics, and really really pleased with how I looked. And now I'm up for getting some pics taken for a naked calendar of me and a circle of my friends. I'm the fattest I've ever been, and really not too chuffed at all with what I look like, for what I think are pretty obvious reasons. And I'm not talking the difference between Kate Moss and Kate Winslet here. (Yes, I'm still pretty, but I'm *fat* and pretty and it's nowhere near as lovely, and in some ways it's just plain unpleasant). I don't care if it's a social construct that people in the west find fat unattractive or not because *I* find it unattractive on me. Any photos of me at all make me wince a bit at the moment, and that's with clothes on.

So yeah, I have pretty cold feet about it. I'm still going to do it. But I've just spend too much of the afternoon faffing so it won't be today. Just want to get it over now, and I've procrastinated myself out of that for today just when I was beginning to psyche myself up.

Edit: well it's done. Some of them are nice, if fat. I don't feel too bad about it.