Contrasts

[lnr]

Funny to contrast feeling absolutely wrecked after the gig last night with the feeling of utter jubilation from enjoying the crowd and the music. I shouted myself hoarse, drank too much beer and spilled lots of it too, got squashed to death in the front of the crowd crammed against the barrier having a whale of a time, and barely centimetres from the band. And it felt like they played non-stop solid hits to sing along to as loud as you can and grin at the other people near by in the crowd and let your hair down and mosh a bit too. Mobbsy got a mouthful of my hair at one point, which was only fair as I was still disentagling myself from bits of his at 1am. And I even broke my glasses again but managed to get the nice security bloke to look after them and didn't even lose the screw. And only got hit on the head by one of the crowd surfers. How can you not feel buzzed after that? But at the same time I was rather hoarse, perhaps the start of Mike's cold, and shattered beyond belief.

Then a drink in Frankie and Benny's (mmmmMargheritas) before staggering home in a taxi. For another contrast of culture clash proportions, which was a bit of a shame. kaet summed it up quite well. I just wish people hadn't had to end up upset. And I'm not looking forward to trying to mediate as Ian and Mike hammer out just what needs apologising for from whom. I guess I'm sorry I didn't see it getting awkward sooner and say something stronger to calm it down. Ah well. We did have a nice chat with Dan mostly about computer games. And actually quite a good long chat with Rick about what was actually the problem, though I'm not sure he agreed. And then to bed, with a headache of gargantuan proportions, but at least I didn't feel too rough when I woke up. Just time to bump start the van down the road before heading off to work. Extremely silly!

It's horrible having to tell one group of friends they can't be themselves around another group, and vice versa, or to have to try and justify their behaviour to each other afterwards and know that neither understands what the other is so annoyed by. Perhaps it would have been wiser to try and tell the friends to be careful in advance, rather than hoping it would work out.

Comments

[karen2205]

And I'm not looking forward to trying to mediate as Ian and Mike hammer out just what needs apologising for from whom.

So refuse to mediate. Tell them they're both adults who can/should sort out their own problems. Even if they're people you care about, it's not your responsibility to fix problems for them.

I guess I'm sorry I didn't see it getting awkward sooner and say something stronger to calm it down.

*nods* - been there, done that countless times. It happens, and the more often it happens the more one learns when one should intervene. On the other hand, everyone else involved was an adult and ought to have been capable of not letting it get that awkward/sorting it out when it did without your intervention.

It's horrible having to tell one group of friends they can't be themselves around another group, and vice versa, or to have to try and justify their behaviour to each other afterwards and know that neither understands what the other is so annoyed by. Perhaps it would have been wiser to try and tell the friends to be careful in advance, rather than hoping it would work out.

Yeah, sometimes warning people to be careful in advance works. Other tactics I find helpful are sitting next to the person likely to be the biggest trouble maker and having 'neutral' topics of conversation up my sleeve so I can inject a change of subject when necessary.

[lnr]

So refuse to mediate. Tell them they're both adults who can/should sort out their own problems. Even if they're people you care about, it's not your responsibility to fix problems for them.

Um, I won't be asked to, I want to, because I think if I don't then they won't fix things and one or the other will be unhappy with the outcome. And I want them both to be happy. And I think there are things that they each wouldn't think to mention to the other, which might be better known by both.

[sphyg.livejournal.com]

d00m. *hugs*

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I don't like that sort of thing happening. I tend to just run away when they start arguing as well, which doesn't seem to make things better for anybody but me, and then not for long.

You've just reminded me why I need to go to more gigs though :)

[lnr]

The thing is they didn't even argue much, just split up and got angry at each other. Mad.

The gig *was* good though. Manics tonight, the Tears next Monday, Alabama 3 in May, then Glasto and Reading later in the year, and who knows what else. Going to be hard to beat last night though.

[feanelwa.livejournal.com]

Yay. I'm seeing Suzanne Vega at the Corn Exchange on the 30th June; I've just realised this is the day before my graduation rehearsal! I need more money with which to go to gigs.

[lnr]

That one is vaguely tempting, though I suspect I'll still be worn out from Glastonbury.

[simont]

Just time to bump start the van down the road before heading off to work.

Ah, so can you clear up the mystery of what the van was doing there? It perplexed the early part of post-pizza, and all Ian could tell us was that it was something to do with Mike but he wasn't sure what :-)

[lnr]

It's Rick's mode of transport, and occasional place of abode if he can't get a sofa inside where it's warm. Him and Craig drove down from Sheffield in it for the gig.

[mstevens.livejournal.com]

Being nosy and not there, what were the two clashing cultures?

[lnr]

Now that's a hard one to answer.

The bunch in the house when we arrived we mostly ex-Cambridge geeks, having a regular Monday post-pizza gathering consisting of port and conversation. The bunch who arrived and made themselves unwelcome were loud, a bit drunk and boisterous, just in from a rock gig and up for a laugh.

The latter were annoying in a way which I think left Ian fearing for his furniture, as well as drowning out the previous conversation. So most of the former got up without saying anything and left the room, in what appears to me to have been an attempt to get out of the situation without saying anything unpleasant. This was seen as fairly rude by the latter since it was accompanied by rather frosty looks. A later polite request for a spare chair from the kitchen was met with a pointed "No" despite a chair being available, which left them feeling angry at having been treated rudely.

From then on it stayed mostly in two groups, but Ian made it clear he'd rather Mike didn't invite Rick and Craig around again, and Mike spent most of the remaining part of the evening feeling worried and stressed. And I remained the only one of the rowdy lot who actually felt comfortable enough going into the kitchen to fetch a glass of water.

[simont]

A later polite request for a spare chair from the kitchen was met with a pointed "No"

Yes, I had a nasty feeling that would be part of the complaint :-/ In fact I think ptc24's "No" was actually part of the conversation he was having with me and Ian, since it made sense in that context, was followed up by a continuing rant about, er, whatever we were talking about at the time (either programming or go, but I can't remember which it was at that point), and had nothing to do with the request for a chair. I think we would have answered the chair question after Peter had finished his sentence, but they'd misunderstood and gone away by that time.

(I also feared they might take particular offence given that there was visibly a chair in the kitchen that we weren't sitting on - but, of course, it was the broken one.)

[lnr]

Doh! Oh dear!

[ceb.livejournal.com]

Also FWIW, Ian was apparently mystified by the chair request, since the whole of the ground floor is saturated with them ATM....

[mpinna.livejournal.com]

For the record, Ian's account of events disagrees with you on this - he said the 'No' was his, and was indeed a response to the question Craig had asked.

[simont]

*blinks* oh, OK. Perhaps there were two "No"s and I missed one.

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

I wasn't there either, but had a slightly similar problem when the same guy was invited to a housewarming at my former shared house. I think it basically is a clash between one culture that feels happiest in an environment which is fairly controlled and in which a very high degree of respect for assorted aspects of one's person, property, the general surroundings &c is a given, and another culture which assumes that if it's not (a) nailed down, (b) excessively posh or (c) policed in some way, nobody cares about it, and also delights in deflating anything it perceives to be pretension or authoritarianism. If you've seen the film 'Cry Baby' you might get a feel for it :)

My own opinion is a sort of middle ground; I do find the gentleman in question a bit of a PITA and he has no respect for other people's property full stop as far as I can tell, but then I also think that the former of the two cultures could do with loosening up a bit in many ways - it certainly took me a long time to adjust to the rather unique set of values they have, and I prefer not to live entirely in that group as I find the whole ethos somewhat stifling at times. If I was facing Mr Boisterous turning up to another party I was throwing, I'd be explaining in very small words exactly what my definition of good behaviour was before I let him in..

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

Rick and iwj was a disaster waiting to happen - I think I'd agree that warning both parties in advance would have been wiser.