lnr | Confusion

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Head in a whirl, moral dilemmas, when is cheating cheating?, is it my problem?, can I even stop if I want?

And why the fuck do you wake up at 7am or so when you've been up late, and not even drinking eh?

Mind I might be confused but hell so far it's been worth it.

Current Mood: IW4 sleep, and an easy answer

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

daneel-olivaw.livejournal.com

I can't be expected to know and account for everybody else's relationship agreements...

No, but if you did know, then wouldn't you take the other person's interests into account?

[chocolate]

The way I tend to view it, if someone who I know should not have my "chocolate" asked me for some "chocolate", then I'd ask them if they were sure they wanted it (had considered its impact on their "diet") first. If they had and they were sure, then yes, it's their choice (and potentially mistake) to make.

From:

lnr

It's an interesting analogy, and I'll have to think about it. I'm not sure it translates perfectly back away from chocolate/diets, though. At least partly because there's a third party involved, even if they don't get to make any decisions.

They're pretty sure see...

From:

daneel-olivaw.livejournal.com

They're pretty sure see...

No, I don't [see], which is why I'm getting tied up in knots of generalities. I don't know the specifics of what you are referring to. If you think my input would help then it is probably best if this discussion is taken over into email --- otherwise I'll buy you a drink next time I see you.

*hugs*

From:

lnr

Sorry, bad figure of speech. I wasn't meaning to imply you should already see, merely informing you that that's the case.

They don't think anyone will get hurt, they're sure they want to go ahead anyway even though it's been pointed out and are prepared to live with the consequences, the only thing stopping them is my qualms.

From:

reddragdiva

OK. At that point the only qualms are consequences to you. Think very carefully on this one.

From:

sweh.livejournal.com

A question to ask yourself... if the other person is prepared to cheat on their own partners, how trustworthy and worth being with are they? Personally, I would have issues being with a person who is willing to cheat on their partner(s). But that's just me.

From:

lnr

It's not you, because that issue had occured to me too.

It's kind of hard to explain without going into detail that's not really mine to tell, but I think there's enough trustworthiness there. At least for a friendship with sex round the edges, which is what I'm looking at here.

From:

daneel-olivaw.livejournal.com

[sorry, re-reading without the stresses of work has generated further thoughts]

there's a third party involved, even if they don't get to make any decisions

This is the tricky bit, isn't it? A few rhetorical questions: What is their reaction going/likely to be? How could it impact on you, in the best-case? ...and the worst? What is the fallout likely to be for the other party (again best/worst case)? Will you be able to cope if it all goes wrong, and messy? These are all things that I'd be thinking about...

The lack of decisions on the part of the third party is troubling. It makes me wonder how closely it parallels some of my experiences, and if so then be very sure that what you propose is worth it before you act.

From:

lnr

I don't believe their reaction is likely to be awful: there seems to be an implicit "don't ask don't tell" arrangement anyway, if it were explicit I'd not be worried at all really. The impact on *me* is absolutely minimal. They live hundreds of miles away, and we're unlikely to meet as far as I can tell. If it all went wrong I think I'd cope.

Having taken a day or so to think about stuff, my feelings on these sorts of issues, and so on, with no pressure (which has been very much appreciated) I'm beginning to feel like it wouldn't be too much of a problem if I were to go ahead. I know Jan doesn't think I'm barking to feel like that. Need to talk to Richard about it too.

I mean I'm not even necessarily talking about having sex as yet anyway. More sort of bearing it in mind as something that might happen in the future maybe.