Strange Dreams

[lnr]

I think I must have slept particularly lightly last night, because I had not one but two extremely vivid dreams.

In the first for some reason I was wandering along and saw a sign for a brass band playing and wandered in. Only they were still rehearsing not playing, so I sat and watched for a while and got talking to one of their mums, since it seemed to be a youth band. Mind you they were more singing than playing. And then I started getting teeth falling out. And I put them in my purse to keep them safe and didn't tell anyone and by the time I woke up there were about 6 teeth missing and it was so vivid I had to check I really did still have all my own teeth. Nasty. Definitely a recurring theme in my more nightmareish dreams that one.

The other one seemed to be a bit of an anxiety dream too really, I was trying to write an essay, although it was basically answering a bunch of questions rather than just writing it yourself, reminiscent of French A-level literature papers actually. And the research was reading a bunch of rock magazines with Iron Maiden in, which was odd, and I had to borrow the first one from an old school friend. And I spent the day sitting in coffee shops scribbling. And then I sort of half woke up again and went back to sleep and was dreaming again, but this time I couldn't remember if the whole essay had been a dream or if I still had to write it, and I was trying to find out in kind of roundabout ways, but I still seemed to have all my notes from the previous dream although the magazines had gone. And there was something about wasps and houmous as well which was all a bit strange.

I mean they were both dreams that had the usual dream-world discontinuities in people and place and the usual habit of things being just plain weird, but they both seemed really *real* because they were so vivid, and I seem to have remembered them with more clarity than usual.

Spent 45 mins or so after the alarm went off dosing in bed thinking about stuff like redesigning kitchens and making cakes and how weird said dreams were, and then Tesco arrived early, with a big ego boost as the driver was one we used to see a lot at GR and he remembered Richard and asked how he was doing and things and then more or less went "wow" when I appeared downstairs. I keep forgetting how much different I look, partly I think because my mental image of myself had just never caught up with how fat I was, so I don't seem that much different to me. I'm just me y'know, and it makes me feel weird when people remark on it, and slightly uncomfortable too, cos I feel like I'm getting vain about it. Odd conflicting feelings there.

Comments

[kaet.livejournal.com]

I think Freud thought losing teeth was about fear of impotence. But to quote I forget who: 'On the Interpretation of Dreams': yeah, like that coke-head had had any REM sleep in the previous two decades. I don't think he had anything to say about Houmous. :)

I think the scairest dream I had when I was staying up in Leeds and I woke up convinced I needed to take my M2 A-level maths exam. Only I went to school in Essex and it was 6am and It was a 5-hour drive and I didn't have a car.

I am always in two minds about people saying I'm thin too, because I have so much trouble with not eating. If people say I look thin or, more likely, that my cheek-bones are looking prominent or my arse good (which amount to effects of being thin) then it's usually because I've had trouble with something in my life, usually in part my self-image, and so haven't been eating. But then it kind of reinforces the cycle. I'm starting to hate all the reification, to be honest, regarding compliments on such things as insults that were meant well.

[lnr]

Ah in my case it really just is fear of losing teeth. It's the closest I have to a phobia.

[ex-lark-asc.livejournal.com]

I keep reminding myself that the reason I'm dieting is about 75% because it will ahve definite practical advantages. A large amount of clothes I can suddenly wear again will satisfy my clothing-magpie nature for a few months and save me wads of cash; sudden regaining of ability to wear skirts-no-tights without getting chafed legs is something I'd really like, and hopefully losing some weight should improve the symptoms of my 3V1L metabolic disorder too. Looking awful was what spurred me on to get started, but the (very slow and gradual) improvement in my looks isn't why I'm sticking with it, it's just a bonus when I do actually notice anything.