Jealousy and confusion

[lnr]

I don't understand myself sometimes. A couple of weeks ago I was jealous at the thought of Jan and August being together. By the weekend it had evaporated and all I wanted to do was get Jan to realise he did love her. Now maybe she does realise it, and I'm feeling jealous again. What do I lose? Nothing. I was having a lovely evening yesterday just as much as anyone else. August doesn't stop loving me. What do I gain? Hopefully she's happier, which has been all I've wanted for days. And I still feel horrible. I don't want to change anything though, I know it's something I can work through and get over again. I just want to give myself a slap in the meantime for being so bloody daft.

I'm more worried that Jan doesn't seem to want to talk to me though, and I can't put any of that into words here somehow.

Update: I am in fact even more of a daft thing than I thought I was. It wasn't that Jan didn't want to talk about something, just that we'd talked a bit on irc and she hadn't realised how upset I still was by it (since I hadn't actually made it clear), so didn't realise I still wanted to talk. I am a fool. But at least now that's out in the air it's a huge weight off my mind, although I feel bad for making such a mess of sorting it out at least it *is* sorted. And I feel *so* much better I wonder how much of the feeling horrible was jealousy at all. Because suddenly I don't mind at all again. Oh I *really* don't understand me at all.

Comments

[naranek.livejournal.com]

Jealousy is one of those emotions, sometimes: it's very hard to predict when you're going to feel it. *hugs*. Often helps to go and find the person you're contending for and get them to reassure you that they do, in fact, like you after all - for me, it's usually an insecurity thing.

And people are relational: it's perfectly human to want X to be just with Y and Z to be just with Y and feel bad about both. Maybe not rational, but then who is?

[k425.livejournal.com]

Like Naranek says, jealousy is weird. *Really* weird. Don't slap yourself - the way you feel is normal - but I hope you will believe, in the depths of your heart, sooner rather later, that August has *ample* love to be able to share it, and so does Jan, and so do you. And the more you love the more love there is to give and receive.

I'm going to stop before I start sounding like an Inspirational Manual. I'm glad you all have each other to love.

[keirf.livejournal.com]

The limited resource isn't love, it's time...

[hoiho.livejournal.com]

it's time...

Sleep is for wimps!

[lnr]

It mostly seems possible to make time to spend with people though at the moment, hopefully without anyone ending up feeling left out. As I say on Wednesday night I was having just as nice a time as anyone else, and sometimes it's enough just to squeeze in an hour for a coffee. It would be harder if there were even more people involved though.