lnr | Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game (Reply)

antinomy kindly posted the rules to the Eurovision Song Contest Drinking Game. This differs from my version only in that hers is slightly more lethal - I only count one drink's worth of each offence per act, not per individual item (so three performers in sparkly folk costume would be two drinks, not six). Since I can't drink at the moment (I'm limiting myself to a small glass on special occasions) I made notes as we went along instead. Here they are. I use the word "bling" throughout to refer to any form of spangle/lurex/glitter/sequins.

Lithuania

Pyrotechnics

Israel

Singing in a language not their own: English
Singing in more than one language
Bling
Folk instruments: tambourine, olive oil tin drums

Note: "Goth" ought to be another category in which to score points.

France

Very minor bling

Note: Nice song, awful outfit.

Sweden

Singing in a language not their own: English
Singing in a language not their own: French
And logically therefore: Singing in more than one language
Eyebrow bling
Costume change: masks = more bling

Croatia

Folk costume: boots
Costume change
Bling

The costume change was remarkably effective.

Portugal

Folk costume...
... with bling
Folk instruments...
... with bling!

Iceland

Singing in a language not their own: English
Bling: quite subtle
Key change!

Greece

Underwear as outerwear: corsetry
Singing in a language not their own: English
Bling: sequins on shoulders
More bling: on the giant coffee table thing
Flag: or rather a picture of their flag, instead the giant coffee table thing

Armenia

Pyrotechnics
Folk costume
Bling: headdress
Singing in a language not their own: English
Folk dance
Key change

Note: I think the lasers also deserved a drink.

Russia

Folk dress: backing singers

Note: main performer appears to be wearing a shower curtain

Azerbaijan

Pyrotechnics: multiple
Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English
Military: the buttoned outfits of the backing singers
Underwear as outerwear: showing knickers
Folk instrument: ukelele thing

Note: these were the first costumes that really made me go WTF! I still haven't quite got over the strange shiny latex stockings.

Boznia and Herzegovina

Folk costume (ish)
Folk instruments
Military: buttons, boots, drums and medals are all military touches

Note: the bass player appears to be playing *my* bass. And they waved a large flag-like thing at one point, although I don't think it was their flag.

Moldova

Folk costume
Folk dancing
Flag: sort of, there was a man with a mop/banner thing.
Bling: very minor in the embroidered coat-tails

Malta

Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English (or is English her first language?)

Estonia

Bling

Note: "It does sort of grow on you... like mould". I can't actually remember this one at all.

Denmark

Folk costume (see note)
Singing in a language not their own: English
Military: keyboard player's coat
Pyrotechnics

The singer had a slightly folk costume outfit, in that it looked a bit like what working class people might have worn 100 years ago. And his English even had an Irish accent (blame Ronan Keating, he wrote the song). The guitarist was very aww-bless in a far too young rocker sort of way, down to the big crucifix he was wearing, which was *nearly* but not quite bling.

Germany

Underwear as outerwear: kinda necessary when you're going for a burlesque show-tune
Bling bling bling trousers
Singing in a language not their own: English
Pyrotechnics
*Tap* dancing
Key change
Costume change: Dita von Teese!

At this point Germany and Moldova are probably our favourites.

Turkey

Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English
Folk costume
Pyrotechnics
Folk dance: bellydancing

Extra points for the male dancer with manga hair, and a skirt.

Albania

Performer doesn't appear to be human
Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English

Dancer entirely head to foot in skintight blue costume, with sequins instead of a face. Also very short clowns.

Norway

Folk dancing
Folk instrument
Folk costume: understated
Singing in a language not their own: English
Pyrotechnics

Ukraine

Singing in a language not their own: English
Military: gladiators!
Underwear as outerwear: you could see their pants
Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English
Flags
Pyro

This was in the very camp Eurovision tradition. At first I thought they might have been using their own language at first as well as English in the chorus, but hearing the second and third verses I'm pretty sure I was just failing to understand the accent.

Romania

Singing in a language not their own: English
Folk dancing: slightly

Their pretty costumes looked like something the fairies from A Midsummer Night's Dream might wear, but I couldn't tell if this is traditional folk dress in Romania.

Bling: shoes, ring, mic
Key change: or just some missed notes?

Hopeless. A song which has one motif which is expanded on only slightly and arrogantly, and repeated ad nauseum, and appears to be stating the bloody obvious. Yes, this was your time on stage. Well done walking into the violinist. And please, leave the warbling to Mariah Carey, preferably as far away as possible.

Finland

Singing in a language not their own: English
Pyrotechnics
Bling

Do you get extra points for a rapper?

Spain

Bling
Singing in a language not their own: English
Singing in more than one language
Pyrotechnics

And thankfully that's the lot. I can see why Norway did well (a nice sentiment, well executed, cute singer in a cheeky chappie sort of way, but I found the English just a tiny bit simplistic in places, as if obviously written by a fluent but non-native speaker), and also Iceland and Turkey. I have no idea how we came 5th, or why Azerbaijan was popular and Germany not. Moldova nearly scraped into the top half, and deserved better. And France were much better at singing a straight song than we were.

And if you judge it on Eurovision clichés as embodied by this game then Germany and Ukraine were clear winners, with France coming last.