I must be feeling better

[lnr]

My brain seems to be working again. Though not in a terribly useful way. I feel hopeless and useless and like everything wrong with my life is pretty easily attributable to my own laziness and cowardice and self-interest. That it has been for years. And I can't see a way out. My job, my degree (and the previous versions of both), my weight, my finances. They could all be fine if I wasn't so lazy about all of them. And I know it's partly depression, but the depression isn't what got me here in the first place, even if it's what stops me getting out.

Should I just quit my job? Or out and out tell them to get a move on and fire me? I need the money really, and I don't see what other job I could get that would pay as well but wouldn't be at least as bad in terms of me getting anything done. I hate it. I hate being a complete failure.

Comments

[beckyc.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

[aldabra]

Don't quit. Do actively look around for things that might be an improvement. It's easier to get into a new one if you're currently in an existing one. (As opposed, for example, to having been a full-time mum for years and having a toddler in tow... 8-) ) Is your current one in the University? Must be some scope for sideways movement there.

[mpinna.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[meirion.livejournal.com]

Should I just quit my job? Or out and out tell them to get a move on and fire me?

have you asked glitterboy1 for a more balanced perspective to see if you're getting things twisted out of all proportion?

-m-

[glitterboy1.livejournal.com]

Not really sure what to say in a public place. But maybe we could talk? And before you even *think* of doing anything like quitting!

No, I don't think you should quit, and I don't think you should tell them to fire you. Hmm, sorry, that's not meant to tell you what to do! But please don't do anything like that without us having talked it through. If you're in tomorrow, maybe we can go out for a while? If you're not, but are up to coming into town, we could meet up for lunch?

Oh, and if you call yourself the f* word again, I'll thkweam and I'll thkweam... You're not, and, for what it's worth, I don't think you're lazy, either. So there.

Love, gb

[j4.livejournal.com]

laziness and cowardice and self-interest

I don't see any of those things in you. I see someone who rather than being self-interested goes to incredible lengths to be a good friend and partner even when other people are being impossibly awkward, who doesn't just take the lazy way out of problems but faces up to them and fights them.

(I also see somebody who sometimes gets overwhelmed by all the stuff that's not as good as they want it to be. I think that's normal for people who care about things. Which doesn't mean it isn't horrible when you feel it, but I do think it's an occupational hazard, as it were, of caring.)

I wish I could offer some more useful help than just textual hugs all the time. Certainly if there's anything practical that you think would help with finances then please tell me; I need to do something about my money situation as well and it's often easier to do these things with company (and somebody to prod gently when necessary).

And as regards the weight I know it's a question of what you're happy with rather than what other people think looks good, but for what it's worth I still think you're drop-dead gorgeous. More importantly though you're a lovely person and a wonderful friend, and I just wish I could be half as good a friend to you as you are to me.