[private] - erm, not any more

[lnr]

Don't like to do this, but public face of me has to be seen to be OK. For Richard's sake and August's sake: neither of them want to know I'm hurt, and for Jan's because it's not fair to talk to her about this stuff and ask her not to talk to August. So out there I'm *not* going to talk about still being in love. I'm not going to talk about missing him horribly. If this is going to work at all it has to be a clean break, and he has to believe I have no doubts. So when I do (and oh god I do) they'll be here, tagged and to a small friends group. If you don't want to read them let me know. Those three can't read this.

Pub tonight. Time to learn whether I can make small talk in public. I'm going to try and keep this sort of post to a minimum though, and try to keep the thoughts that go with it to a minimum too, because I don't think it'll do me much good to dwell on things I can't change, and to keep on nursing a love that might be better to just die so the whole thing can go away.

[NB, much later, oh fuck it, I ended up talking to them all anyway, and I don't like having non-public entries, so this one is now world-readable]

Comments

[mobbsy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I can sort of appreciate what it feels like. You have lost somebody, so grief is normal. Try to acknowledge and understand it; it doesn't stop it happening, but it's at least interesting to watch your emotions following the script. Less cynically, it does seem for me to have let me keep more control. If I can sit there in a slightly detached way thinking "oh, right, so this feeling is just normal denial", it means I can feel it without being controlled by it.

There's a lot of web pages out there on grief following a separation. I found some of them worth reading, but it seemed to be quite a hit-and-miss thing, so I'll let you use Google rather than recommending any.

[emperor]

*hug* I can only offer sympathy. You know where to find me, though...

[bopeepsheep.livejournal.com]

Hugs. I know how this feels (although not in quite the same kind of circumstances) and it is very hard, so you have my sympathies. And I won't mind if you want to vent in this direction - even in email, if you'd like, although I can't promise you'd get a reply straight away!

[duncanneko.livejournal.com]

Urgh, been somewhere close to there myself, you have my sympathies. *lots and lots of comforting nekohugs*

Newcat sends hugs too...

[brrm.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm not that good at advice, but if you want someone to talk to, I'm online far too much. :)

[k425.livejournal.com]

If this is going to work at all it has to be a clean break, and he has to believe I have no doubts.

And that's the hardest part.
Or at least, it's the part I know I sympathise with the most.

Hugs and offers of an email shoulder, as and when you require, stand.