Contrasts

Really good party last night for the most part, and I was having a good time. But then there was an incident which upset Richard so we came home. Strange how different unacceptable behaviour can seem when it's coming from someone you love rather than someone you don't know well. It's left me all in a muddle and upset and not sure what to do. Avoiding talking to them for the meantime until my head's a bit straighter.

Full of cold so taking today off work sick. Wish I'd just taken it as holiday after all. Driving lesson due at lunchtime, will have to move it some other time and pay for it anyway, but I'm really not up to it today I don't think. Tried to ring them but they're not answering the phone. Suppose I should give it another try.

I must be a fool

I still love him.

On hold

I can hardly go on seeing someone while Richard feels so stressed about them, even if he's having trouble putting things into words it's clear it would make him even more unhappy. Don't know if it will ever be better enough to try again. Hurts.

Have read lots today, getting through Jane Eyre much faster than I had been earlier in the week. Trying not to let myself feeling even more affected by it than usual, but I do feel certain similarities. And I feel like running away is the right thing for me to do at the moment, love or no love. Some things are more important.