OK, a real update

[lnr]

I barely seem to have written much at all the last couple of weeks, other than about the books I have read. Partly there hasn't been much to write about. This weekend I've mostly spent in bed reading or sleeping since I've been full of cold, and I haven't been out much in the evenings lately, partly because I've been very tired and partly because Richard has been ill too. On balance though I'm struggling a little at the moment.

Work is gradually wearing me down and making me more and more miserable and I'm doing less and less of it, and despite visits to a psychiatrist, sessions with a counsellor and increasing dosages of ADs things aren't getting better and I can't see how to make them start doing so any time soon. I've been glad to be ill, so as not to have to go into the office, and this is a bad sign. But I'm not feeling hopeless, or not completely. I really *must* make myself go and talk to James about it though. It feels very mucb as though the department is happy to carry on quietly ignoring me while I muddle through as best as I can and I don't think this is going to work. At least I've made a start in telling Paul how I feel. I do wish it could all just go away sometimes.

So I guess that's why I've been so quiet recently. And I'm sorry if I've been not keeping in touch. I miss seeing people a bit, but I'm not terribly good company. I'm very short on small talk at the moment. Curling up with people watching telly or staying curled up on my own with a book are the things that are keeping me going at the moment, even if they're not terribly sociable.

Comments

[ewx.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[keirf.livejournal.com]

Oh dear.

[mobbsy.livejournal.com]

I miss seeing people a bit
You are missed too, but take care of yourself.

[sweh.livejournal.com]

I've been glad to be ill, so as not to have to go into the office, and this is a bad sign

Is this typically a sign of depression? Or merely tiredness? Or something else? I'm beginning to feel similarly at the moment. Each morning I'm pondering whether to phone in sick and just not go to work. If it wasn't for the work visa being attached to the job, I'd seriously consider throwing in the towel. But then I can't think of any job I want to go to. Just wanna sit at home and do nothing.

I seem to get more fun out of losing myself in a book (rereading Stranger In A Strange Land) and forgetting myself, than from existing in this world.

Or maybe I'm just bored and tired. I dunno.

[kaet.livejournal.com]

'S good to see you, but sad to see you so down. Get well soon.